Sunday, November 27, 2011

No, my truck doesn't have a D-Rig.

So, I have a hell of an update for this thing today.  I am just sitting down after a trip half-way across the country.  That's right, I made the trip back from Indiana today.  I had a wonderful time at home for Thanksgiving, and I will update you on that tomorrow.  Today's post, however, is reserved solely for the trip I just made.

I left my parents' house at 4 am EST this morning (so 3 am CST), which is normal (I have to drive in the dark for one half of the trip, I figure it should be the half where I am waking up, not falling asleep).  Much to my chagrin it is raining when I leave.  I hate driving in the rain, with a violent, burning passion.  I hate driving in the rain even more than I hate driving at night.  I was well rested, which is a pleasant change, but driving the interstate at night in a steady rain during deer season isn't my ideal Sunday. So, if you do the math you come up with the fact that this trip did not start off well for me.

Next on the hits parade we have the fact that my car is TERRIBLE at keeping moisture out.  So, the inside of my windshield fogs up, badly.  Turning the heat up only increases the condensation (while I am driving 65 mph), so I am forced to turn on the A/C to clear my windows.  It is 43 degrees and wet outside.  So, for the next 4 hours I stave off hypothermia in my polar bear friendly car to make it to sunrise and the end of my foggy window issues.  Luckily, the rain had stopped and I was almost to St. Louis.

Now, I really dislike driving through Missouri.  St. Louis is fine, but the rest of the state is just a bunch of advertisements for A) porno for truckers, B) Jesus and his Earthly minions, or C) Maramec Caves.  The scenery in most of the state is beautiful, but all those damned billboards just eviscerate that experience.  On top of this, the bulk of my drive happens in Missouri, so I am forced to stop and will my gas tank 2 of the 3 times in this state. 

I made one of these pit stops at a Flying J in Sullivan (I think).  I gassed my car up and got my obligatory water and snacks, but the interesting part of this stop happened in the mens room.  After washing my hands a gentleman behind me asked if the truck I was driving had "one of those new D-Rigs."  I politely informed him that I was not a trucker and went about my business.  Now, it wasn't until later that my wheels started turning on his question.  This man asked me, a complete stranger, about something called a "D-Rig" in a mens room at a truck stop...But I suppose I will leave any interpretation up to the reader from here.

Possible close calls aside my trip was going pretty smoothly now.  The only exception at this point was the fact that the town of Sullivan tricked me into missing lunch by misrepresenting where their Mc Donalds was.  So, I went hungry until my car needed filled up again, which was in another 3 hours.  I stopped in Joplin to fix all of these issues.  No odd run-ins here, but the mens room in this truck stop was the busiest bathroom I have ever seen.  There must have been a church without a toilet close by... Either way I made it out and walked over to the conveniently placed Hardee's right inside the gas station.

Eating the largest burger Hardee's makes while driving through construction areas is hard.  I made it through, however, and was now squarely in Oklahoma with a full stomach.  I cruise along for a while and end up doing about 10 over the speed limit on I44 for a large portion of my sprint across the state.  Now, I am confident in my ability to speed here because I have honestly never seen a police officer on I44, ever.  I have made this trip around a dozen times at this point, and I knew that cops just didn't exist until I hit OKC.  I learned something new today.

I got tagged by a state trooper just before the 2nd toll booth.  I came up over a hill and there he was, ready to pounce.  Luckily he let me off with a warning since I was a college student returning from Thanksgiving (Mise!).  I did, however, do the speed limit for the rest of my trip.  Well, with the exception of the merging point of I44, I40, and I35...

I think the one thing that I want to do the least after driving for 13 hours is sit in 40 minutes of stop-and-go traffic on the interstate.  I don't know the person who decided one lane was enough to drain 3 interstates into 35S but they should be shot, twice.  This exit is easily the worse part of my 14 hour drive back every single time.  Given enough time and annoyance, I made it through, and cruised the rest of the way to my apartment.

All in all this trip was about par for the course.  I almost always drive through rain at some point on a trip home each year.  Missouri always sucks, sometimes more than others.  I once again succeeded in not getting a ticket. And that 35S merger can still die in a fire.  I am so glad that I am flying home for Christmas...

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